Then this morning, on twitter and facebook, I read the exciting news that Marian Keyes’s new book, Saved by Cake, is released in one month. I can’t help but recall how I recovered, in part, through the art of baking. It wasn’t the eating of the cake. But the creating, the starting of a business. I had a purpose. Something to wake up to and look forward to. Instead of going to bed at night and dreading the following day.

But for me, it wasn’t just cake. Or baking. What also saved me were three other activities.

Writing. I wrote a thinly veiled account of my life, through a character in a novel. This will never see the light of day, but I found it whilst sorting out my office a few days ago. I couldn’t read it, it is still too heartbreaking for me. Even now, six years after I’ve recovered. The act of writing about it forced it out my system.

Friendships. Both online and offline. The Novel Racers in the early days. Writing about books on Trashionista. I had conversations. I had links. Again, they gave me a purpose. I like having a purpose which I suppose is why I’m doing so well on the 100k in 100 days writing challenge.

Exercise and fresh air. The thought of going outside for a walk was horrifying. I would put it off, get anxious. But eventually I’d put on my shoes, strap the boy in the pram and go. I always felt better afterwards. You’d think I’d learn from this, wouldn’t you? But it still takes time, when I’m feeling a little low, for me to realise putting on my trainers is the best thing.

My weight.

My weight gains. My weight losses. And this final time of getting it together.

When I first started writing I swear the very act of writing, the sitting in my chair and bashing out words, contributed to my recovering from post natal depression. This time I want to write my way to weight loss. I’ve set up blogs in the past where I would start with good intentions but I’d get shy. Even though I was anonymous, some people knew who I was and I felt like I couldn’t be truly honest. I also didn’t like the idea of anonymous people reading it. I wanted a way to discover why I was overweight, what patterns there were in my life, and also, a way to keep myself on the straight and narrow. And by the straight and narrow I mean not bingeing on food. But not starving myself either.

So I have my (private) journal.

I’ve made some startling discoveries as I’ve written about my life and the impact of food and overeating. Real exclamations of god yes, how did I not realise that before?.

I’ve tried four weight loss plans in my thirty odd years. Rosemary Conley, Slimming World (but not seriously), Weightwatchers and a version of the low carb plan with India & Neris’s Idiot Proof Diet. I’ve tried deprivation, I’ve tried cutting certain foods out. And so one of the (many) things I’ve asked myself is:

Why, why, why am I punishing myself?

Making myself suffer whilst I ate separate meals from the rest of the family. Saying, I can’t eat that at family events. Cutting out chocolate. Not looking forward to mealtimes. They are a family event in our house.

Life is too bloody short. And it makes you feel like shit.

Yet surely there is a balance. A balance between dieting and being a glutton. A middle ground.

Of course there is. It’s called eating normally. Proper meals. Experimenting with flavours, looking forward to meal times. Flicking through recipe books, through the Good Food magazines without thinking, I can’t make that on this diet. Or that. Or that. Food is a passion of mine, so why would I try to cut a passion out of my life?

Eat less + Exercise more = weight loss. I know this isn’t a startling revelation for many people. Someone reading this will probably groan and say, have you only just worked that out. No, I haven’t. I have known it for most of my life. But knowing something and acting on it are completely different things. I also know a sensible weight loss is about one pound a week, so why did I look for quick fixes that promise half a stone loss in the first week? Or three stone in three months? I would not be able to sustain that for the rest of my life. Eventually I have gone to the extreme and stuffed myself. And so the yo-yoing continues.

One pound a week is fifty two pounds in a year. That’s three and a half stone. Based on how quickly last year went, one year isn’t long at all. But even if it’s one pound a fortnight, is that so bad? It’ll come off eventually.

So I am no longer on a diet. I don’t low carb. I don’t count points. I just eat less and exercise more.

And write about it. 1000 words a day.

Because I didn’t want to be that person who wishes her life had been different. And I still don’t.

It is the seventeenth day of the New Year. So far I have:

• Written 16,000 words of my journal
• Made significant developments on my non-fiction submission
• Worked my way up to twenty six minutes on the cross-trainer
• Lost six (and a half!) pounds.
• Read four books. (The best one of which, so far, has to be Mel Sherratt’s Taunting the Dead.)
• I’m also completely off twitter, having deleted my account. I won’t say I don’t miss it, I do. I miss the chatting with my online friends. But it is a small price to pay.

The only thing I haven’t got into the habit of doing is making notes on my fiction.

Yes I do make resolutions. I’m quite good at sticking to them. That is, if I start on new year’s day on the dot I am. (Something to do there with my controlling personality I think. If I start on the second of January the resolutions don’t really stand a chance.)

So, my resolutions. My goals, if you like.

• Lose weight, get fit. Yep, me and a million others. But this is My Year.
• Write a journal every day (which I’m currently doing thanks to Sally’s 100k in 100 days writing challenge).
• Submit my non-fiction cookery book proposal. And keep submitting even if I get rejected.
• Pick up a pen and make notes on my (rather detailed) fictional world. Then write it.
• Read more. This is also related to my non-fiction and helped enormously through Goodreads. (Why I’ve only just properly started using this site I don’t know.)
• Stop faffing on social media (to a certain extent. I need some social interaction.)

So. This is the year I Make Things Happen.

I’ve been reading various blogs which have helped me believe I can including

• Caroline Smailes’s series of posts about being brave with, so far, these two posts by Natalie Wills and Talli Roland.
• Keris posting about feeling the fear along with this post, also via Keris, called 25 things writers should stop doing.
• What else helps inspire? Hearing about how people have followed their dreams and achieved them. Just like Jenny did last year. She did good.

Of course, I can get inspiration from lots of places, but ultimately it is all down to me. As an old boss of mine would say, JFDI. Just do it.(He then used to say, and you can guess what the ‘F’ stands for. Then we all used to snigger. At him.)

Made with malteser cake.

I’m looking forward to 2012. I’m hoping to spend it writing, running, baking and with my family. Not necessarily in that order.

Happy New Year.

The Snowman fairy cakes (I got my snowmen from John Lewis) and a chocolate yule log filled with vanilla ice-cream, smashed up Cadbury’s crunchie and covered in whipped cream and melted chocolate.

In our family we know Christmas has started when the oven starts fragrancing the house with ginger, cinnamon, cloves and orange. These are all the flavours of Christmas that I love and are in this gingerbread biscuit recipe, along with a splash of vanilla extract and lots of honey.

This method is based upon Peggy Porschen’s from her delicious book Pretty Party Cakes. I like how she makes a hot mix of sugar which she then adds to flour to make a yummy dough. I’ve adapted the flavour of the mix slightly and, for quickness and simpleness at this busy time of the year, I’ve used a simple glace icing.

Place in a heavy bottomed pan and bring to the boil the following

• 180g dark muscovado sugar
• 150g runny honey
• zest and juice of one clementine
• 3 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 5 teaspoons ground ginger
• Half a teaspoon ground cloves
• 1 teaspoon mixed spice
• Healthy splash of vanilla extract

Transfer to a plastic food bag and refrigerate for a few hours.

Roll out onto a floured surface, quite thick, and cut with your choice of cutter.

Place onto a baking tray, then chill again for ten minutes whilst the oven reaches temperature (180 fan/200 degrees regular).

Bake for around 8-10 minutes (depending on size of cookie).

For the icing

• Grate the zest of one clementine and squeeze the juice of three. Add enough icing sugar to make a consistency you are happy with.
• Dribble over cooled cookies.

Make them for the Christmas Tree

To make your house smell gorgeous make some of these cookies to hang on the Christmas tree. If you are making them as decorations you can add extra cloves, orange zest and mixed spice to enhance the fragrance. Also don’t forget to cut out a tiny circle before cooking so you can thread through some ribbon.

Apologies for the quality of the pics. I took them quickly and the light wasn’t very good. Clockwise from top left: Get Ahead Gravy before and after, potatoes par-boiled ready for the freezer and milk for the bread sauce, infusing.

I love to cook but I get a little, um, annoyed, if the family are having fun while I’m toiling away. This is certainly true at Christmas. I want to be able to enjoy the present opening, to see the children’s faces, to have a lovely breakfast, then a bit of time on my own as I shower and dress, without worrying what I have to do next. When it was remarked on twitter that I was organised I replied I want to enjoy a glass of pink fizz without anything going disastrously wrong. Like burning the gravy.

Christmas is about (besides the obvious) family, food, and spending precious time together. Not getting stressed in the kitchen.

So I watched Jamie’s Christmas programme nodding along to what he was saying. Get things prepared beforehand and enjoy the day more. He was suggesting Christmas Eve but personally I like to get a few things prepared before then and they are now snuggled in the freezer. I have Jamie’s Get Ahead Gravy (like a roast dinner in liquid form), bread sauce and par-boiled potatoes for my roasties. The latter I started doing a few years ago. I hate peeling potatoes, can’t stand the smell on my hands and can think of nothing worse on Christmas morning. Ugh. So this is what I do.

• Get the amount of potatoes you need. This year I’ve used red skinned King Edwards.
• Peel and cut into nice sized chunks. Try and get them all roughly the same size so they cook evenly.
• Bring to the boil in a saucepan, salt, then simmer for about eight minutes.
• After eight minutes you should be able to scrape them with a fork, but they’re still hard-ish. (Don’t overcook as they’ll turn to mush when roasting).
• Drain completely then place back into hot saucepan for the rest of the water to evaporate.
• When cool spread out onto a baking tray and open freeze.
• When they’re good and frozen seal in a plastic food container. Then you’re done until the big day.
• On Christmas Day get your goose fat good and hot in the oven at about 200 degrees (fan) or 220 regular.
• Tip in frozen potatoes and cook for about an hour – maybe a little more, depending on their size. You can turn them halfway through cooking.
• Try and cook them separately to the turkey. You could cook your turkey, bring out and cover with foil to rest, then put your potatoes, stuffing etc in then.

It took me a long time, in my sleep fuddled mind, to work out what was causing me the pain. At first I thought it dairy, as I got it when I changed my breakfast to cereal and yoghurt. But eventually I cottoned on that when I ate too many wheat products, I got pain. I’m not allergic, at least I don’t believe I am. From what I understand wheat allergy sufferers have symptoms that flare up immediately. Mine doesn’t always occur immediately after eating wheat. It’s almost like my body can take so much then says, woah! Too much, too much! That was one wheat product too many.

Of course, I may be wrong and it may not be wheat…but I know when I steer clear (and by that I mean I ony eat wheat once every few days – mainly in cake) I have no pain. And that can only be a good thing.

Of course, having something like this makes you feel left out of family meals. Unlike when I worked in a chemist many years ago and the gluten-free products would look unappetising on the shelves, nowadays there are some fabulous products out there and I’m only just discovering them.

I use Marks & Spencer’s Gluten Free Plain flour if I’m making gravy, or to thicken meals (like the Lancashire hotpot that’s currently in the oven) and you can’t taste any difference. You can however, taste the difference if the item you are making is mainly flour. Like these American pancakes. The recipe is based on Nigella’s from How to be a Domestic Goddess. But I’ve reduced the amounts (as it is just for me) and added bicarbonate of soda to give the gluten-free flour more of a lift.

• 125g gluten-free plain flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
• 3/4 teaspoon sugar
• 1 egg
• 20g butter, melted
• 150ml milk (this is approximate. With GF flour you may need to add a little more.)

Put all the dry ingredients into a bowl.

Add the milk to the egg, whisk, then add to dry ingredients, continuously whisking to remove lumps.

Whisk in melted butter.

Heat a frying pan. Add a little oil.

Pour in mixture. Not all the way to the edges as these are American pancakes and a little thicker. Plus you don’t roll them like english ones.

When it starts to bubble, flip over with spatula. Give it a minute on this side then you’re done.

The pancakes do taste different to the wheat version. But it is just different, not worse. And I actually prefer them this way now.